9 Keys for Success when Coaching Your Child’s Team
When you register your child to play hockey, you always run the risk of being asked to coach. In the younger ages, most of the coaches are parents. Some times you have a choice -- coach or your child doesn't get to play.How should you coach your child's team? Here are 9 keys for success that can help you when coaching your child's hockey team:
1. Know the game - So, you think your son or daughter will be delighted to have you for a coach just because it means you can spend some "quality time" together? Wrong! If you don't know what you're talking about on the ice -- and you don't make the effort to learn -- they would rather you just stay home.
2. Listen to your players - Kids like to feel respected. Yes, you need to establish your authority -- to keep both kids and parents in line -- but players are people too. Kids can often see more about what is going on on the ice than can parents in the stands. Ask them, listen to them and value their input.
3. Don't play favorites - For most kids, being the coach's pet is bad enough; being one just because of bloodlines is unbearable. On the other hand, no child wants to be singled out for extra harsh treatment because Dad's the coach. As hard as it may be at times, treat your child like any other player.
4. Get everyone in the game - All kids like play more than to win. Sure winning is fun but kids like to play and be a part of the team and the game. Make sure all of your players get plenty of playing time and opportunities to try different positions.
5. Make it FUN - The No. 1 reason kids play sports is to have fun. You can help. Avoid repetitive drills, instead use good-humored small sided games. Make games exciting, not terrifying. Treat the team to pizza or ice cream after a game now and then - not as a reward but as a group activity. Enjoy yourself. Kids don't want to feel like a burden.
6. Don't baby them - No kid wants be told everything to do and pay attention all the time, but players expect the coach to make them do whatever they need to do to be ready for the game. Once on the ice, allow them to make their own decisions if if they make mistakes. They will learn more from the mistakes than doing what they are told to do from the bench.
7. Be a teacher - Kids play sports for fun, but if they don't improve, they'll eventually get bored or frustrated, and perhaps quit. Help them learn skills, rules, and strategy so that they can maximize their abilities. If you are not sure what to do, watch games by more experienced or older teams and see what they are doing or better yet, watch them practice.
8. Act your age - It's embarrassing for kids when their parents argue with officials and yell obscenities. It's even worse when the parent is the coach. Keep your anger in check and your language decent. The old adage "an apple does not fall far from the tree" is true in sports, set a good example of sportsmanship and good will and your team will as well.
9. Care -- but not too much - Care about the kids and not the results of games. Kids want their activities to be taken seriously, but not too seriously. "She did not care if I won or lost" and "He's not too emotional" were the most common reasons kids gave for why their mom or dad was a great coach.
Special thanks to Kentucky Youth Soccer for the above article.
13 Tips for Parents Considering Coaching
Gail Gross, a Houston radio talk-show host who has worked as an educator and is an authority on child development, says the best thing she ever did as coach of her daughter's basketball team was to walk away when asked. "I was the worst coach who ever lived," Dr. Gross says cheerfully. "I'm right-side dominant and have poor vision. I dreaded every game because I was such a failure."But her memories of that time are happy because of the good communication she had with her daughter. She took the job at her daughter's request when no one else wanted it. She left it to a replacement when her daughter told her, halfway through the season: "Mom, you're right. This isn't your sport. Thank you for your support, but you don't have to do this anymore."
Dr. Gross and other experts offer these 13 coaching tips for parents:
* Ask permission: The first question to ask is whether your child wants you to coach, says Jim Thompson, the author of The Double-Goal Coach: (Quill, $13.95). Mr. Thompson founded the Positive Coaching Alliance (www.positivecoach.org), a nonprofit organization based at Stanford University. He says you need to know if your child wants to come on board as your partner in the experience. If not, there's very little chance it will work out.
* Set up cues: Anticipate moments of conflict, such as how your child will feel when you praise a teammate, or she doesn't get the position she wants, advises Dr. Gross. Ask your child to help you come up with signals, such as a hand sign, to remind her of your agreement not to get upset or act out about disappointments or frustrations.
* Help kids see you as coach: It can be confusing to distinguish between the roles of parent and coach. For younger children, it may even help if you literally put on a different hat for coaching to help the child with the transition, says Dr. Ken Christian, a New York-based psychologist, author and organizational consultant.
* Get your head together: You have to get your own feelings about your child in order before you take on a coaching job, says Dr. Christian. "It's like being therapist to your own child," he says. "Sometimes you are looking in your child to find the thing you like in yourself. When you don't see it, you have to let go and let them be who they are. You have to be Buddha-like."
* Teach life lessons: John Bates' son, Nehemiah, complained when his father pulled him off the field to give equal time to a player who didn't perform as well as he did. Quietly, at home, his father would talk to the 5-year-old about how all team members get an equal chance to play even if they have different talents. "He finally got it toward the end."
* Ask lots of questions: Telling children what to do never works as well as asking them, says Mr. Thompson. For example, a coach can say, "I have a suggestion for making you a better hitter. Would you like to hear it?" Most of the time a kid will say yes. Then you can make the criticism into an "if and then" statement, as in "If you bend your knees more, then you may get more power." And if the kid is not open to hearing your suggestion, then say, "OK, no problem" and walk away. Chances are he will come back the next day and ask what you were going to tell him.
* Listen: When your child complains, don't defend yourself or your position, says Dr. Gross. Let him say what he feels. Then say what you feel.
* Be fair: The biggest complaint coaches' kids have is that their parents favor them or are too hard on them. One dad, Tim O'Brien of Pittsburgh, calls the All-Star games "Dad-ball" because the teams are always stacked with the coaches' kids, whether they are deserving or not. Frank Martin, founder and director of Kids Sports Network, says he can always tell the coach's kid because the coach is paying the most attention to him – often by yelling.
* Reward good behavior: Ignore bad behavior whenever possible, says Mr. Thompson. Instead of lashing out at the one kid who is not paying attention, Mr. Thompson suggests focusing on one who is, as in saying, "Hey, Ryan, I really appreciate how you're in the ready position."
* Model good behavior: If you want your child to keep his temper, keep your temper. Be generous with praise and use mistakes as teaching opportunities, says Mr. Thompson.
* Try not to embarrass: Coaching is a very public form of parenting. And it's hard, at times, not to worry about how the behavior of your child reflects on you. Remind yourself that your child is not you, says Dr. Gross. Try to either ignore bad behavior or pull the child aside. Defer as much discussion as you can to the ride home. If problems persist, you may want to enlist assistant coaches or other parents to help and ask them to take over more of the interaction with your child.
* Busy work is good: It doesn't hurt to give them an alternative to (literally) climbing the walls while they're waiting for their turn. Pastor Bates entertained the kids on the bench by giving them clipboards and having them take notes on the game for him.
* Know when to fold 'em: Youth sports couldn't exist without the parents who generously donate their time. But if it just isn't working for you and your child, find a replacement and find another way to contribute.
Printed in the Dallas Morning News Tuesday, August 26, 2003. By Nancy Churnin / Reprinted with Permission of the Dallas Morning News
How to Increase Practice Time by 10%
Here's a tip for coaches that will help improve practice time by at least 10%! At the beginning of the season, name each of your practice drills. The first time your team does the drill, do a demonstration of it. Every practice time after, just simply call out the name of the drill and spend your extra time coaching and working on skill development.Do You Criticize the Performance or the Player?
Coaches are an important influence in a kid's life. Their words always carry more significance to the child hearing them than they do to the coach who is saying them. As such, it is easy for coaches to phrase things in ways that are heard as much harsher than was intended. When helping kids develop new skills or when dealing with team selections, coaches should be careful to focus player discussions on tangible behaviors and away from things that have broader personal or family meaning. For example:Personally Focused and Confusing
What's wrong with you today?
We don't want you on our team.
Why can't you play as well as Tommy?
How long have you been playing this sport?
We are looking for better kids.
Why can't you play more like your brother?
Did your dad teach you that?
Are you this way in school too?
Would your mom be proud of this behavior?
Don't let this team down.
Why can't you be better?
Performance Focused and Better
Your effort is not up to your usual level.
There were other players who in our judgment made better effort.
You will need to move more quickly if you are to have an impact during the play.
Let me show you where you need to be when these events happen.
We need players with more advanced skills.
If you are not feeling well, take a break and try again in a few minutes.
We are counting on a good performance from you today.
When coaches are careful to keep discussions focused on behaviors, they are also keeping their players focused on things they can change. When conversations become more personal, it makes it harder for players to equate a simple change of behavior with improved performance. Giving players a clear set of expectations and measurements is the easiest way to get the most from a team.
Thank you to Sports Esteem for sharing the above article.
Help Players Discover How to Share the Spotlight
Kids don’t always understand why they’re pulled out of a game, especially if they’ve performed well. Teach them to share the spotlight by reminding them that, even though some team members have different strengths than others, everyone on the team deserves an equal chance to play.The best way to get this message to resonate is to treat all of your players the same way from Day 1 of the season. No special rules for any player. If the situation demands some flexibility – maybe one player will always be 10 minutes late for a practice because s/he attends a different school than – then be sure all players on the team are involved and notified in making that adjustment for a player.
The Coach’s Truth: Be Patient and Players Will Learn
Why should you be patient with your players? No, it's not about being nice. It's about success for the players as individuals and the team as a whole.Just because your team was given instruction today, don’t expect them to be all knowing tomorrow. It takes time for practice routines to take root in players. Allow them mental room to adjust and learn the instructions being given to them. Don’t criticize at this early stage because it will only serve to discourage your team.
How to Easily Build Confidence in Your Players
Rather than greeting players with a simple nod or a standard “Hello”, go the extra mile by greeting them by name and letting them know you’re glad to see them. Remember, kids (and adolescents in particular) frequently feel like they don’t belong.If your players sense that you are sincerely glad to see them, they will notice – and it will make their day. These positive player emotions will give them encouragement to be there and try their best. Sometimes the most effective coaching techniques are also the simplest.
Unlocking the Formula to Team Chemistry
"As a coach, each year I put together a packet for the parents letting them know what I expect from the parents and players. One of my favorite things to include is the definition of "teamwork" from Webster's Dictionary - The cooperative effort between members of a team or group to reach a common goal."I explain to everyone the team extends to more than just the players, that it includes the families. When doing team-building exercises, we find activities outside the normal boundaries of the sport. We involve the players and their families.
"A favorite is to go to a corn maze at the beginning of the season. We send all of the players in one direction and all of the parents in another. I find out who are my team leaders, not only for the players, but parents too.
"I ask that all of my parents sit together during the games. Not only do my players notice they have a huge cheering section, but I have been approached by other team managers, parents and players that have commented on our team cohesion."
Special thanks to JJ Pixler with the Hyland Hills Hockey Association (Colorado) for the post.
How to Create Fun and Productive Practices
Athletic contests are most often determined by players' habitual responses. There isn't time to think things through. The only way to learn a skill well enough to use it in a pressure situation is to overlearn it through repetition. Effective practices give kids the repetitions they need to make the appropriate response a habit. But, and this is a big but, if practice isn't fun, few kids are going to improve much, nor are they going to keep playing the sport. One technique for adding fun and motivation to a practice is to temporarily reduce the level of play. A couple of examples: Older baseball players love hitting off a tee and it's a great way for them to work on their swing. Shorten the playing field in soccer to increase the intensity, scoring chances and fun.
Adapted from “Positive Coaching in a Nutshell” by Jim Thompson.
Learn the Optimal Amount of Playing Time for Your Players
As part of the All Star Season program, Jim Thompson at Stanford University's Positive Coaching Alliance discusses the issue of playing time and how much time coaches should allot per player. Here is the short form of his answer: Coaches need to be clear in their communications with parents and players about how much play time to expect.For teams ages 12 and under, every player should be guaranteed some time in every game. For more information about the keys to having an all star player who loves the sport, visit: www.AllStarSeason.com.
