Helping Athletes Handle Pressure and Competition

Having an open mind and being aware of what your athlete is saying (both vocally and through body language) can help in the handling of the pressure that comes with playing youth sports.

Most people play a sport for the thrill of having fun with others who share the same interest, right? But it’s not always fun and games. Most student athletes who play competitive sports have had thoughts that go like this at one time or another: “Man, I can’t believe I let the ball in the goal, and I know from the look in coach’s eyes he wasn’t happy.”

There can be a ton of pressure in high school sports. A lot of the time it comes from the feeling that a parent or coach expects you to always win. But sometimes it comes from inside, too: some players are just really hard on themselves. And individual situations can add to the stress: maybe there’s a recruiter from your number one college scouting you on the sidelines. Whatever the cause, the pressure to win can sometimes stress you to the point where you just don’t know how to have fun anymore. Perhaps it could even be the reason why you haven’t been playing as well lately.

How Can Stress Affect Sports Performance?

Stress is a feeling that’s created when we react to particular events. It’s the body’s way of rising to a challenge and preparing to meet a tough situation with focus, strength, stamina, and heightened alertness. A little stress or the right kind of positive stress can help keep you on your toes, ready to rise to a challenge.

The events that provoke stress are called stressors, and they cover a whole range of situations - everything from outright danger to stepping up to take the foul shot that could win the game. Stress can also be a response to change or anticipation of something that’s about to happen - good or bad. People can feel stress over positive challenges, like making the varsity team, as well as negative ones.

Distress is a bad type of stress that arises when you must adapt to too many negative demands. Suppose you had a fight with a close friend last night, you forgot your homework this morning, and you’re playing in a tennis match this afternoon. You try to get psyched for the game but can’t. You’ve hit stress overload! Continuous struggling with too much stress can exhaust your energy and drive.

Eustress is the good type of stress that stems from the challenge of taking part in something that you enjoy but have to work hard for. Eustress pumps you up, providing a healthy spark for any task you undertake.

What Can I Do to Ease Pressure?

When the demands of competition start to get to you, try these relaxation techniques:

• Deep breathing: Find a quiet place to sit down. Inhale slowly through your nose, drawing air deep into your lungs. Hold your breath for about 5 seconds, then release it slowly. Repeat the exercise five times.


• Muscle relaxation: Contract (flex) a group of muscles tightly. Keep them tensed for about 5 seconds, then release. Repeat the exercise five times, selecting different muscle groups.


• Visualization:Close your eyes and picture a peaceful place or an event from your past. Recall the beautiful sights and the happy sounds. Imagine stress flowing away from your body. You can also visualize success. People who advise competitive players often recommend that they imagine themselves completing a pass, making a shot, or scoring a goal over and over. Then on game day, you can recall your stored images to help calm nerves and boost self-confidence.


• Mindfulness: Watch out for negative thoughts. Whether you’re preparing for a competition or coping with a defeat, repeat to yourself: “I learn from my mistakes!” “I’m in control of my feelings!” “I can make this goal!”

When sports become too stressful, get away from the pressure. Go to a movie or hang out with friends. Put your mind on something completely different.

How Can I Keep Stress in Check?

If sports make you so nervous that you get headaches, become nauseated, or can’t concentrate on other things, you’re experiencing symptoms of unhealthy, potentially chronic (which means long-lasting and continuous) stress. Don’t keep such stress bottled up inside you; suppressing your emotions might mean bigger health troubles for you later on.

Talk about your concerns with a friend. Simply sharing your feelings can ease your anxiety. Sometimes it may help to get an adult’s perspective - someone who has dealt with stress over and over, like your coach or fitness instructor. Here are some other things you can do to cope with stress:

• Treat your body right. Eat well and get a good night’s sleep, especially before games where the pressure’s on.


• Learn and practice relaxation techniques, like those described in the previous section.


• Get some type of physical activity other than the sport you’re involved in. Take a walk, ride your bike, and get completely away from the sport that’s stressing you out.


• Don’t try to be perfect - everyone flubs a shot or messes up from time to time (so don’t expect your teammates to be perfect either!). Forgive yourself, remind yourself of all your great shots, and move on.

It’s possible that some anxiety stems only from uncertainty. Meet privately with your coach or instructor. Ask for clarification if his or her expectations seem vague or inconsistent. Although most instructors do a good job of fostering athletes’ physical and mental development, you may need to be the one who opens the lines of communication. You may also want to talk with your parents or another adult family member.

If you’re feeling completely over-scheduled and out of control, review your options on what you can let go. It’s a last resort, but if you’re no longer enjoying your sport, it may be time to find one that’s less stressful. Chronic stress isn’t fun - and fun is what sports are all about.

Recognizing when you need guidance to steer yourself out of a stressful situation doesn’t represent weakness; it’s a sign of courage and wisdom. Don’t stop looking for support until you’ve found it.

Enjoy the Game

Winning is exhilarating! But losing and some amount of stress are part of almost any sports program - as they are in life. Sports are about enhancing self-esteem, building social skills, and developing a sense of community. And above all, sports are about having fun.

Editor’s Note: Special thanks to Kids Health for the above article.

What Makes You A Good Coach?

What should a coach care about most: winning, teaching, or giving everyone a chance to play? KidsHealth.org asked their readers this question, and hundreds replied. The results are instructive.

What They Value

Survey respondents said they respond best to:

• Coaches who understand and motivate their players


• Coaches who are tough but fair


• Coaches who teach life skills along with sports skills


• Coaches who make it a team effort


• Coaches who try to make practice varied and fun.

Importantly, athletes are able to recognize that some parts of practice are necessary and not much fun. They just want the coach to do their best to keep things interesting whenever possible.

What Turns Them Off

Survey respondents said they are turned off by:

• Coaches who focus on only a few players


• Coaches who yell or put players down


• Coaches who can’t teach or don’t give it their all.

The full KidsHealth.org article has more detail and some insightful quotes from survey respondents.

Editor’s Note: Special thanks to Steve Horan of PositiveSports.net for use of the above article.

Q&A: Dealing with Parents and Equal Ice Time for Players

Pete asks: “As a coach, what is the best way to deal with the parent who thinks their child doesn’t get the same amount of ice time or shifts as everyone else? We even keep track of the number of shifts each player goes out. The only time they differ is when we have the Power Play or Penalty Kill to deal with. We have explained that to them as well.”



Answer: “This is a very sensitive issue.  First of all I would like to ask what age group and what level are the players participating? I believe that in order for players to develop, particularly at the younger age groups, that all players should get the opportunity to play equal time and in all situations. If we tell players at a young age that they can’t do something, they start to believe just that.

“As players get older and at higher levels of competition, I realize it becomes more critical to define their roles and reward them with ice time accordingly. I have made a commitment as players become more mature, that is primarily around the ages of 14 to 16 (Bantam/Midget), that I communicate with the players specifically and their concerns regarding ice time. If parents feel the necessity to address it with me, I kindly explain my decision-making process to them. Make sure to let the player know what he or she needs to work on specifically to participate in those situations! As you know, some parents have difficulty being objective regarding their son/daughter, and this will always affect their perception.  As a youth coach this will always be one of our greatest challenges.”

Editor’s Note: Special thanks to Jim Johnson, Co-Founder of flexxCoach.com, for answering this question. flexxCoach is dedicated to improving the youth sports experience by improving the quality of adult leadership. For more information about flexxCoach, please visit their website at http://www.flexxcoach.com/


If you have a question, we would love to help. Please e-mail us and we will do our best to answer your question.

10 Reasons for Equal Playing Time

On most youth teams, there are players who are physically two or three years ahead of their teammates in size, speed, or strength. These players often form a core of talent that coaches can use to their advantage to win games. Especially in youth travel and select teams, the temptation for many coaches is to use this talent more during a game to go for the win. While this method is appropriate at the highest level of athletic competition, it seldom has any place in youth sports. Here are 10 reasons why equal playing time is a better strategy:

Coaches: 5 Tips for Better Post-Game Discussions

The intensity and emotion of a close competition can easily carry over into post-game discussions. It is often difficult for coaches to stop trying to manage the game after it is over. However, post-game conversations are not a part of the game. After all, nothing that is said after a game can affect its outcome. Conversations after a game have much more impact on the next practice or the next game. With that in mind, here are five suggestions for coaches for post-game conversations with players and parents:

1. Be patient. There will be plenty of time to address mistakes. Make a list of mistakes made during the game and then set it aside for review before planning the next practice or game.


2. Be positive. Allow the players to celebrate their good plays so that they continue to build their inner desire to improve.


3. Be communicative. Don’t shy away from players or parents after a loss any more than after a win. Changing parental interactions based on the outcome will leave parents assuming the worst about their child or the team.


4. Be objective. Before looking to player mistakes, first look to see if there were other things that could have been done better in preparation or motivation.


5. Be candid. If you made a mistake during the game, don’t be afraid to admit it. If coaches are honest about their mistakes, players are more likely to be honest about theirs.

Parents and players take their cues from the coach. A compliment helps reassure parents of their child’s potential and keeps them from focusing too much on their own judgments. It can even help shape parental conversations in the car on the way home. Good post-game conversations can do more to bring a team together than any conversation before a game.

Special thanks to Sports Esteem for the above article.

Helping Your Athletes Make Better Decisions

In this article for coaches, youth coaching expert Steve Horan discusses the how coaches can help their athletes make better decisions.

We all want our athletes to make good decisions - especially when they are facing a challenge to take a negative risk.  We can and should help our athletes stay out of trouble by reminding them to do the right thing for the sake of themselves and their team.

In many cases a young athlete will make a bad decision based on momentary impulse.  These situations are especially tragic because the athlete might have avoided the bad situation if he or she had only considered the consequences for a moment.

We can help our athletes make better decisions by equipping them with a simple method designed to help them stop and think before making a decision, including decisions which could hurt themselves or someone else.  This simple five-step method is called ‘PROPS’.

Here is a brief script you can use to teach the PROPS approach to your athletes. If you have the time and inclination, you could also spend some time helping your athletes apply the PROPS approach to hypothetical decisions they might face.

We all know that you are faced with decisions which could end up hurting you or someone else.  As athletes on this team we need to be ready to face these decisions head-on and make the right choice.  I am going to give you a simple five-step decisions process called PROPS. If you remember this approach and use it to make good decisions, you will always be in control of the situation.

Step 1. Pause. Always pause and take a breath before you make a decision - especially if you have a feeling you might be doing something wrong.

Step 2. Reflect. Think before you act by reflecting on the situation before you decide.  Remember, no one can force you to do anything.

Step 3. Options. You always have options.  Think about all of those options before you decide.  Remember, there is always a way out of a bad situation.  You can find it if you think about it.

Step 4. Prioritize. Prioritize your options based on your values.  What do you value most?  Your health? Your family? Your team? Your future?  Are you really willing to sacrifice these values for a bad decision?

Step 5. Select. Select the option which is best for yourself, your family, your team, and your future.  Make the good decision and be confident of the outcome.

By teaching your athletes how to make decisions you are equipping them to think and say ‘no’ to the negative choices they will inevitably face in their lives. If you can equip even one athlete to avoid a harmful decision, isn’t it all worth it?

The Four Most Powerful Words of a Coach

In this article for coaches, youth coaching expert Steve Horan discusses the four most powerful words a coach can say to a player.

“I bring you the gift of these four words: I believe in you.”

This quote comes from the great French Coach Blaise Pascal.  Actually Pascal was not a coach, he was a 17th century physicist, mathematician, and religious philosopher.  But based on this quote alone, the guy had potential as a coach.  He knew a lot about people.

Most of us, if we are lucky, have had an experience where someone said ‘I believe in you,’ or words to that effect, at a crucial point in our lives.  Those words probably came when we were struggling in sports or in school or a discouraging life situation.  The idea that someone believed in us transformed the way we looked at ourselves and our future.  We moved forward with a new outlook and spirit.

“It’s an amazing thing if you can look in someone’s eyes and tell ‘em you believe in them. It’s one of the things that we do not do enough. I get kids that come to my summer camp, parents go to these Little League games and they’re watching kids… they’ve gotta tell them, ‘I believe in you. I believe in you.’”   Mike Krzyzewski

One of the pleasures of coaching is we get to deliver that same experience to our athletes.  The challenge, as Coach K alludes to in the quote, is remembering to do it often enough.

Coaches have a lot to deal with in a very compressed period of time.  We find ourselves preoccupied with all of the demands of life in addition to preparing a team to function in a competitive environment.  Amidst these responsibilities it is easy to forget that each of our athletes looks to us for affirmation.  This is especially true for those athletes who are injured or at the end of the bench.

The good news is we can incorporate brief affirmations into our daily coaching practice without spending an inordinate amount of time.  It only takes about 30 seconds to pull an athlete aside, affirm what he or she is doing well, and say:

‘I believe in you.  You can do this.  It’s inside you.  I’ve seen it in flashes.  You can bring it out all the time if you work hard and have fun with it. And I will help you.  But you have to be willing to do the work.’

The even better news is, ‘I believe in you’ wins.  Think about the things that bring athletes down.  At or near the top of the list are lack of confidence, lack of motivation, lack of commitment, and lack of trust. An ‘I believe in you’ from the coach is an immediate confidence builder.  “I believe in you’ also says ‘ I care about you,’ which is a key motivating factor in any player-coach relationship.  That sense of being cared about — that I as an athlete matter to this coach and this team - is the foundation of commitment and trust.  And it is commitment and trust which move the athlete to play hard and smart and quick and tough and together with their team.

Think about your athletes.  Which of them may be struggling?  It might be the star in a slump.  It might be the rising star confronting new responsibilities.  It might be an injured veteran who feels isolated from the team.  It might be a role player who sees little playing time.  They all need affirmation - and will play better as a result.  To look in their eyes and say ‘I believe in you,’ and mean it, is perhaps the greatest gift you could give them.  And in return, they will believe in you too.

Discover How to Design Successful Hockey Drills

As part of the All Star Season program, youth coaching and fitness expert, Brian Grasso, identifies two key strategies for designing successful drills.  Follow Coach Grasso’s advice for guaranteed successful drills:

1. You’ve got to get players active, not lecture at them. Understand the size of your team and how to break it into the right-size groups. Keep instructions clear and short. Preparation is a top priority. Some coaches run through the purpose and sequence of drills even before going out to practice.


2. Design drills and skill-development exercises that get all players moving around, no matter the position or talent level. While every practice has down time for water or a needed short rest, always look to keep the kids engaged.  Even when they’re “resting”, they’re still doing something. Make every minute count and make this time interactive for players with both their coaches and teammates.

For more information about the keys to having an all star player, visit: www.AllStarSeason.com.

8 Ways to Turn Around a Problem Parent

Most coaches have had a problem parent or two on their team. In this article, we address eight ways to turn around a problem parent. Here are some ideas for working through this issue.

1. Assume parents are trying to help. In spite of what parents may be doing, most are behaving as they are because they believe their actions will benefit their child. Many times parents may be repeating inappropriate behaviors that were used with them when they played sports.


2. Educate parents about best practices. If parents are working in their child’s best interests but are going about it wrong, then coaches can give parents alternative behaviors that will accomplish the desired results.


3. Communicate frequently with parents as individuals and as a group. The more parents and coaches are at ease talking with each other about small issues, the more parents and coaches will be comfortable talking about more difficult issues.


4. Rely on beginning of season communications. If the coach has held a meeting early in the season and given parents a clear set of goals and playing philosophies, coaches can go back to those to statements to restart the relationship.


5. Seek help from league officials. Don’t hesitate to discuss a problem parent with the supervising league official. This provides an opportunity to gain insight into the parent or the problem as well as alerting others to a difficult situation.


6. Seek advice from other coaches. With coach turnover, coaches are seeing problems with parents and parent issues that have been resolved many times by other coaches before them.


7. Use parent meetings to form consensus and invoke peer pressure. Parent meetings are good times to set expectations for team parent behavior and discuss them. Parents are more likely to act in ways that they believe are supported by other parents.


8. Rely on printed league statements and codes of conduct. In extreme situations, coaches may need to reference the league’s Code of Conduct to warn that current behavior may risk league actions. Coaches should use the league as the enforcer of these policies.

There is no standard approach to parent problems. A strategy focusing on communication, education and enforcement gives coaches the best chances of resolving parent issues. Special thanks to Sports Esteem for sharing the above article.

What if the Youth Coach Held a Press Conference?

In professional sports, it is common for the head coach to give a press conference after each game to field the “tough” questions and address concerns about the team. In youth sports, there is no need for press conferences. But, if a youth coach did give one after a game, it might go something like this:



Coach: Ladies and gentlemen, I’d like to thank each of you for coming. I’ll skip the opening remarks and go straight to the questions.

Reporter: Coach, this game was your third tie in a row. Are you becoming frustrated that your team cannot come out with the win?

Coach: Of course not. When we play to a tie, it means that we were evenly matched and the team had to try its best the entire game. That keeps things exciting. The fact that this was our third tie means that we are in the right league where the teams are fairly evenly matched. Close games are the most fun for the kids and the best at developing their skills. I think it also shows that the draft was fair.

Reporter: At the end of the game, the opposing coach put out his best players and you didn’t. Didn’t you risk losing because of this?

Coach: I didn’t do anything different at the end of the game. I kept rotating my players. It is important that I stick with the things I told the kids and parents at the beginning of the season - everyone gets equal playing time. I won’t go back on that commitment. I think this game demonstrates why this is a great rule. This game gave some of my newer players the chance to play in the last few minutes of a close game and they learned from that.

Reporter: But if you had lost this game, wouldn’t your record have dropped to below .500?

Coach: It would have, but that isn’t the way I measure my performance. I’m here for the kids to have fun, learn and improve skills and build their desire to play again next year. If I accomplish these things, then I have had an awesome season.

Reporter: At the beginning of the game, your team got ahead but you seemed to change things up and that gave the other team a chance to tie the score. In hindsight, don’t you wish you hadn’t made those changes?

Coach: At that point in the game, I told the players that I wanted to see them share play and try to use their teammates more to score points. They are still learning and don’t always understand what this means in game situations. I’m very pleased that by the end they seemed to be learning how to work together better and I’m hopeful that they can keep working on this. If we had been way behind, I would have still asked them to work together better.

Reporter: Your very best player sat out the entire last period. Didn’t you shortchange the team by not playing your best player?

Coach: The player you are referring to came off limping. I’m not a doctor or a trainer and couldn’t judge the severity of the injury. These kids only get one body and there is no reason to risk it for one game.

Reporter: There was a bad call late in the game that let the other team score. You just stood there and didn’t say anything. Don’t you owe it to the team to defend them?

Coach: The fact is that I didn’t have the view of the play the referee did and can’t judge the decision. But, even if it were a bad call, the referee is just a kid learning skills like my players. Players and referees don’t learn any faster by yelling at them. I did talk with the referee later to get the official explanation, but yelling at the time of the call would only have given my players an excuse for being scored against. There were twenty things the players could have done before then that would have prevented the need for that referee’s call.

Reporter: With your lack of wins, there are some grumblings that parents are not getting their money’s worth. What do you intend to do to fix this?

Coach: I hope parents are not so shortsighted that they lose focus on the long-term goals of youth sports. Chances are that none of the kids on this team, in this league or even in this city will make money playing sports. However, there are potentially a large number business, community and family leaders in this group of kids and it is my hope that their participation in youth sports makes them better at these endeavors. The old adage that losing only teaches someone how to lose doesn’t apply only to games. It applies to all areas of life such as learning, sportsmanship, friendship, teamwork and self-discipline to name a few. If kids lose in these areas but win games, then parents have been shortchanged. However, if a child wins in these areas but loses games, who cares? If I can help kids have fun and assist their parents to teach them life lessons, then parents are more than getting their money’s worth.

Reporter: You mentioned the draft a while ago; do you think you could have done a better job drafting players to make sure you had a winning record?

Coach: These kids, though they may be the same age, can be almost six years different in physical maturity. If the purpose of the draft were to get kids all on one team who are maturing faster, then I guess you can say that I could have drafted better. But, the purpose of the draft was to make sure that the teams are evenly matched to make the games the most fun for all kids and not just to enable the bigger kids to beat up on the smaller kids.

Reporter: I have never heard such fan noise at a game. How big a factor were the parents in today’s game?

Coach: Well, that is something I need to address with the parents directly. I do appreciate their support and cheering. But, too many times during the game, the players were looking at their parents and listening to them when they should have been looking for and listening to their teammates. Too much cheering just distracts the kids from what they should be doing.

Reporter: There is speculation in some areas that you are taking favors from parents in return for better treatment of their child. Do you want to comment?

Coach: Because I play each player an equal amount and give players a chance to play the positions they want, it is very hard for me to play favorites. I am, however, a volunteer and hope the other parents appreciate the time I spend preparing for and conducting practices and games. I always appreciate a thank you in any form it is provided. But, thank yous are not why I coach and they don’t affect the way I treat the kids.

Reporter: There is a rumor going around that you don’t want to travel to the national tournament if the team wins the regional tournament. Any truth here?

Coach: That actually isn’t a rumor, it is a fact. Not all of the parents on this team can easily afford, in money or time, the costs of attending the national tournament. If I thought they could and everyone agreed that the trip to nationals was for fun and a vacation and that winning would not become the prime consideration, then a national tournament could be a great experience for the players. There is plenty of competition for us here locally without traveling.

Reporter: Have you given any thought to how you intend to keep this team together next year?

Coach: I don’t plan to. I’ll be coaching my child, but the rest of the team will come through a fair draft. I personally like the fact that my child will be playing with different players, making new friends and learning new things. I always have icebreakers early in the season that help everyone get acquainted so after a few weeks, it seems like the team has been together for a long time. If I get players who have played for me before, I’ll expect them to mentor the other players and help everyone get along and work together.

Coach: That’s all the time I have, so until the next game – remember to practice in life what we practice in sports.

Reprinted with Permission of Sports Esteem

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